Golden Parachutes
(and no..this is not part 5011 of some freaky ass Aruh Kelly song, although he could surely come up with some lyrics for a song titled Golden Parachute… but I digress)
Do you have someone that is always there to catch you when you stumble, fall, and land flat on your ass…a fall that injures your ego and pride in the process? Is there a person that you can turn to that will catch you when you are battling self-defeating thoughts? This person is always a cheerleader for you and there for you through thick and thin. If so, you can call them your golden parachute.
My golden parachute used to be Marcus. Marcus and I met through work and we immediately hit it off. He was such a great listener and so funny. During the time when I was caught up in my drama with the ex with-no-soul we became a lot closer. He was one of the few people that I told about what I was going through. He never once judged me. He never said I was dumb for not seeing obvious signs. He just listened and consoled me. Always encouraging me to do whatever I had to do to be happy. We would talk about anything and everything. He would talk about his lady problems and I would try to listen and give my perspective. I always wanted him to be happy with whomever he was with. We were the poster kids for plutonic relationships!
When I moved to Atlanta I begged him to come with me. He learned he was going to be a father right before I left, so of course he stayed because he wanted to be with his child. I did try again later to get him to move, even circulated his resume and set him up on interviews. He ended up taking a traveling job, (against my advice) and he hated it after awhile and later admitted I was right.
Well during one of the many visits to ATL for job hunting, Marcus would stay with me, sleep in the same bed, without ever making a move on me. This happened at least six times. Slept together but didn't SLEEP together. Things were just copacetic.
Well they were until that fateful night when he came to visit and attend a concert one weekend. I had a bit too much to drink and I was being silly and flirty. Marcus usually laughed it off when I did this, and normally would counter back with some witty banter. This time he didn’t. He got quiet and stared at my mouth and then laid a passionate kiss on me. I was floored. How could he do that out of the blue? How long had he wanted to do that? What was I supposed to say? The only words I could muster were, "ok that was weird". He looked so hurt and I immediately felt horrible. That next morning I blamed it on the likka and apologized if I hurt his feelings. He admitted that he had realized that his feelings for me grew a great deal since I moved away and he realized how much he missed me. We talked it over and we agreed that our friendship was too important to us to risk it in a romantic relationship (ok mainly me, but still he nodded in agreement!). We BOTH vowed that we would chalk it up to a one time kiss. However, our friendship was never the same after that weekend. I tried to return to normal but he kept distancing himself from me. He would come to ATL with his traveling job and not tell me. He didn’t show up on the weekend he said he would for a party that I was throwing and didn’t bother to call to tell me. Eventually I let it go, and just sucked it up. I wasn’t going to beg him to stay friends. If it was too awkard for him, I had to accept it. Plutonic friendship became a distant memory and I was beginning to think that males and females can't just be friends.
Well, just in time for my upcoming birthday (he knows I nut up around my birthday - just yuk! @ getting older)...So Mr. Marcus (not the porn star) emails me a few words and I admit initially I had MAJOR attitude.
He tried to start with that humor (aka how pissed is she?) kinda email:
”I am looking for my friend Wise Diva" blah blah.. she was last seen/heard cussing me out on my voice-mail" ...(ya damn right!)
Ummm nah dude, that won’t fly.
I told him "she made her disappearing act right after you did"
So then he goes straight for the emotional jugular…and with one email I forgave him for pulling a disappearing act on me. I mean a few strokes of the keyboard and he sends words that just made my heart smile. Who knew a few words could be that powerful?
He wrote: I only disappear, because I don't want my impure mind to dirty the pure clean person you are. But you are in my heart.
Now see? He knows that I question that kind of thing because his actions clearly don't reflect these words. I won't hold a grudge though. He had his reasons for handling things like he did, and so do I.
I miss my Golden Parachute. I haven’t found a new one since him.
Do you have someone that is always there to catch you when you stumble, fall, and land flat on your ass…a fall that injures your ego and pride in the process? Is there a person that you can turn to that will catch you when you are battling self-defeating thoughts? This person is always a cheerleader for you and there for you through thick and thin. If so, you can call them your golden parachute.
My golden parachute used to be Marcus. Marcus and I met through work and we immediately hit it off. He was such a great listener and so funny. During the time when I was caught up in my drama with the ex with-no-soul we became a lot closer. He was one of the few people that I told about what I was going through. He never once judged me. He never said I was dumb for not seeing obvious signs. He just listened and consoled me. Always encouraging me to do whatever I had to do to be happy. We would talk about anything and everything. He would talk about his lady problems and I would try to listen and give my perspective. I always wanted him to be happy with whomever he was with. We were the poster kids for plutonic relationships!
When I moved to Atlanta I begged him to come with me. He learned he was going to be a father right before I left, so of course he stayed because he wanted to be with his child. I did try again later to get him to move, even circulated his resume and set him up on interviews. He ended up taking a traveling job, (against my advice) and he hated it after awhile and later admitted I was right.
Well during one of the many visits to ATL for job hunting, Marcus would stay with me, sleep in the same bed, without ever making a move on me. This happened at least six times. Slept together but didn't SLEEP together. Things were just copacetic.
Well they were until that fateful night when he came to visit and attend a concert one weekend. I had a bit too much to drink and I was being silly and flirty. Marcus usually laughed it off when I did this, and normally would counter back with some witty banter. This time he didn’t. He got quiet and stared at my mouth and then laid a passionate kiss on me. I was floored. How could he do that out of the blue? How long had he wanted to do that? What was I supposed to say? The only words I could muster were, "ok that was weird". He looked so hurt and I immediately felt horrible. That next morning I blamed it on the likka and apologized if I hurt his feelings. He admitted that he had realized that his feelings for me grew a great deal since I moved away and he realized how much he missed me. We talked it over and we agreed that our friendship was too important to us to risk it in a romantic relationship (ok mainly me, but still he nodded in agreement!). We BOTH vowed that we would chalk it up to a one time kiss. However, our friendship was never the same after that weekend. I tried to return to normal but he kept distancing himself from me. He would come to ATL with his traveling job and not tell me. He didn’t show up on the weekend he said he would for a party that I was throwing and didn’t bother to call to tell me. Eventually I let it go, and just sucked it up. I wasn’t going to beg him to stay friends. If it was too awkard for him, I had to accept it. Plutonic friendship became a distant memory and I was beginning to think that males and females can't just be friends.
Well, just in time for my upcoming birthday (he knows I nut up around my birthday - just yuk! @ getting older)...So Mr. Marcus (not the porn star) emails me a few words and I admit initially I had MAJOR attitude.
He tried to start with that humor (aka how pissed is she?) kinda email:
”I am looking for my friend Wise Diva" blah blah.. she was last seen/heard cussing me out on my voice-mail" ...(ya damn right!)
Ummm nah dude, that won’t fly.
I told him "she made her disappearing act right after you did"
So then he goes straight for the emotional jugular…and with one email I forgave him for pulling a disappearing act on me. I mean a few strokes of the keyboard and he sends words that just made my heart smile. Who knew a few words could be that powerful?
He wrote: I only disappear, because I don't want my impure mind to dirty the pure clean person you are. But you are in my heart.
Now see? He knows that I question that kind of thing because his actions clearly don't reflect these words. I won't hold a grudge though. He had his reasons for handling things like he did, and so do I.
I miss my Golden Parachute. I haven’t found a new one since him.
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