Deconstructing Diva
Deconstruct: To break down into components, dismantle.
I have been trying to regain my focus this week. I am not motivated to do school work, I don’t feel like working out, and lately I have been having very low energy. I am drained! I don’t like this feeling and I have been concealing it to those close to me. I don’t want them to worry about me, so that masking action kicks in and there I go hopping on that stage being that 2nd woman..
*sigh*
I feel as if I need a new perspective. I have felt this way before, and I realize that I have to nip this in the bud. This feeling of being loss.
I am pondering a lot now about who I really am:
What is my sense “self” in my mind as opposed to others? (because I really choose what I show to others)
What am I really made of?
What makes me do, say, feel, react the way that I do?
Am I afraid of growing and do I purposely sabotage certain personal growth?
Am I the source of my own suffering?
Do I control what affects me or what doesn’t?
My sense of self seems to be drastically impermanent, always changing; yet firmly rooted in the essence of my being. I just feel like I am in a metaphysical maze of why I am here, who I really am, and what my true purpose is. I think I am going to read the Purpose Driven Life. I have heard interesting things about it but I realize now that I have stalled on digging into it. I really feel that what I am most in need of is a spiritual makeover. Personal devotion, prayer and meditation have become stagnant for me.
Is my current sense of self a figment of my imagination? I want answers!
And answers I will seek, as I deconstruct and dismantle Wise Diva, I hope to find a clearer sense of self because right now, things seem SO hazy to me.
I have been trying to regain my focus this week. I am not motivated to do school work, I don’t feel like working out, and lately I have been having very low energy. I am drained! I don’t like this feeling and I have been concealing it to those close to me. I don’t want them to worry about me, so that masking action kicks in and there I go hopping on that stage being that 2nd woman..
*sigh*
I feel as if I need a new perspective. I have felt this way before, and I realize that I have to nip this in the bud. This feeling of being loss.
I am pondering a lot now about who I really am:
What is my sense “self” in my mind as opposed to others? (because I really choose what I show to others)
What am I really made of?
What makes me do, say, feel, react the way that I do?
Am I afraid of growing and do I purposely sabotage certain personal growth?
Am I the source of my own suffering?
Do I control what affects me or what doesn’t?
My sense of self seems to be drastically impermanent, always changing; yet firmly rooted in the essence of my being. I just feel like I am in a metaphysical maze of why I am here, who I really am, and what my true purpose is. I think I am going to read the Purpose Driven Life. I have heard interesting things about it but I realize now that I have stalled on digging into it. I really feel that what I am most in need of is a spiritual makeover. Personal devotion, prayer and meditation have become stagnant for me.
Is my current sense of self a figment of my imagination? I want answers!
And answers I will seek, as I deconstruct and dismantle Wise Diva, I hope to find a clearer sense of self because right now, things seem SO hazy to me.
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