MY VEST
When I moved away from home my father said to me, "I know you aren’t under my roof anymore, but that doesn’t mean that I am not there to protect you" (I am already crying, damn!). At the time, I chalked it up to pops getting mushy that his baby girl was growing up, leaving the nest, no longer bound by his strict rules.
I had been taught by my mom to be fiercely independent, that bullet proof diva mantra was instilled in me way before that book. But I think somehow I must have missed out on other important things that Mom was teaching me with her actions. She always let my father be the head of the household and she submitted to him. Even on days that I knew she probably had to bite her tongue (REAL HARD) she always trusted dad to make the right choices for the family.
ok , wait....I am digressing into another mom’s day tribute.
Well being hard headed as I am, I stopped calling my father for every little thing (and big things). I no longer went to him for advice about things like I used to. I slacked on calling him up to pray with me on the phone when I needed spiritual guidance. It got to the point where my dad asked my mom, is she mad at me? I wasn’t though, I got too caught up on making him proud of me that I dropped the ball on connecting with him. Showing him how much I loved and appreciated him, faults and all, stubborn streak included.
There was so much that I went through after I left home but I didn’t tell my parents. Always the hard ass, I took my own steps in making life choices (some very, very UnWise). When psycho cop started exhibiting behavior that mirrored my past abusive relationship, I perked up (way too late, but eventually)..and got proactive. I contacted his supervisor, took the restraining order out, I spoke to his cousin and I let them know that his behavior was starting to become obsessive. Still trying to be my own protector.
Well when psycho cop re-surfaced last year, I didn’t have the will to fight again. After my pseudo-confrontation with him after sending me unwanted flowers, I just got fed up. Who do you think I ran to? Good ole DAD.
Now I had to go recount the whole saga of psycho cop stalking me, following me, sending his boys to trail me, breaking into my garage and vandalizing my things. Then I told him how the fool came back almost a year to the exact date that the protective order expired.
He listened quietly and asked me, “why didn’t you call me before?” I told him I wanted to "handle it myself" (shaking my head at my own self). Then he said,”That is what I am here for, to protect you, don’t ever feel ashamed of reaching out for help especially to your own father”.
I felt like a HUGE idiot! Why did/do I always have to prove myself to people? (That is a definite contingent to be addressed on my Deconstructing Diva Mission).
Anyway, my dad works as a federal investigator for a government agency now, so he has access to some places and people that others don’t. He asked me for the name, address, description, job title, and whatever the hell else he could think of to ask me. I gave it to him, begrudgingly. I was thinking that maybe Dad would really jack that fool up and psycho cop would come up missing (didn't have problem with that, just didn't want pops to go down for it). He told me that he would handle it and to let him know if I heard from him after today. (Damn Dad, ONE day?!).
To this day, I have no idea what my father did to psycho cop. All I know is, a package was mailed, people were notified and I no longer had a stalker. All because of my Dad.
Now that I am older we have a totally new dynamic to our relationship. Growing up as a PK I never saw him as anything other than my father, the minister. Now, I am back to regular discussions with him. We laugh, and kid with each other like ole friends. I even bought him a beer last father's day. A BEER! He never even drank alcohol when I was growing (not in front of us anyway). I feel bad that I can’t be with him for Father’s Day but a dear friend of his passed away and he will be leaving town for the funeral. I was going to try and sneak a quick road trip to see him before he left, but he just called and said, don’t worry, I know you want to be with me, but stay there and do your class work. I will see you soon enough. I love my DADDY, my REAL protector, he is my BULLET PROOF VEST. I wear it all the time, even when I think I can stop/take the bullets myself. Just having him protect me feels incredible!
Happy FATHER'S DAY, POPS!
I had been taught by my mom to be fiercely independent, that bullet proof diva mantra was instilled in me way before that book. But I think somehow I must have missed out on other important things that Mom was teaching me with her actions. She always let my father be the head of the household and she submitted to him. Even on days that I knew she probably had to bite her tongue (REAL HARD) she always trusted dad to make the right choices for the family.
ok , wait....I am digressing into another mom’s day tribute.
Well being hard headed as I am, I stopped calling my father for every little thing (and big things). I no longer went to him for advice about things like I used to. I slacked on calling him up to pray with me on the phone when I needed spiritual guidance. It got to the point where my dad asked my mom, is she mad at me? I wasn’t though, I got too caught up on making him proud of me that I dropped the ball on connecting with him. Showing him how much I loved and appreciated him, faults and all, stubborn streak included.
There was so much that I went through after I left home but I didn’t tell my parents. Always the hard ass, I took my own steps in making life choices (some very, very UnWise). When psycho cop started exhibiting behavior that mirrored my past abusive relationship, I perked up (way too late, but eventually)..and got proactive. I contacted his supervisor, took the restraining order out, I spoke to his cousin and I let them know that his behavior was starting to become obsessive. Still trying to be my own protector.
Well when psycho cop re-surfaced last year, I didn’t have the will to fight again. After my pseudo-confrontation with him after sending me unwanted flowers, I just got fed up. Who do you think I ran to? Good ole DAD.
Now I had to go recount the whole saga of psycho cop stalking me, following me, sending his boys to trail me, breaking into my garage and vandalizing my things. Then I told him how the fool came back almost a year to the exact date that the protective order expired.
He listened quietly and asked me, “why didn’t you call me before?” I told him I wanted to "handle it myself" (shaking my head at my own self). Then he said,”That is what I am here for, to protect you, don’t ever feel ashamed of reaching out for help especially to your own father”.
I felt like a HUGE idiot! Why did/do I always have to prove myself to people? (That is a definite contingent to be addressed on my Deconstructing Diva Mission).
Anyway, my dad works as a federal investigator for a government agency now, so he has access to some places and people that others don’t. He asked me for the name, address, description, job title, and whatever the hell else he could think of to ask me. I gave it to him, begrudgingly. I was thinking that maybe Dad would really jack that fool up and psycho cop would come up missing (didn't have problem with that, just didn't want pops to go down for it). He told me that he would handle it and to let him know if I heard from him after today. (Damn Dad, ONE day?!).
To this day, I have no idea what my father did to psycho cop. All I know is, a package was mailed, people were notified and I no longer had a stalker. All because of my Dad.
Now that I am older we have a totally new dynamic to our relationship. Growing up as a PK I never saw him as anything other than my father, the minister. Now, I am back to regular discussions with him. We laugh, and kid with each other like ole friends. I even bought him a beer last father's day. A BEER! He never even drank alcohol when I was growing (not in front of us anyway). I feel bad that I can’t be with him for Father’s Day but a dear friend of his passed away and he will be leaving town for the funeral. I was going to try and sneak a quick road trip to see him before he left, but he just called and said, don’t worry, I know you want to be with me, but stay there and do your class work. I will see you soon enough. I love my DADDY, my REAL protector, he is my BULLET PROOF VEST. I wear it all the time, even when I think I can stop/take the bullets myself. Just having him protect me feels incredible!
Happy FATHER'S DAY, POPS!
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