Bullet Proof Soul

*Playing Sade's Bullet Proof Soul*

Why do relationships get so complicated?

Hit me like a slow bullet
Like a slow bullet
It took me some time to realize it

You keep on thinking
You were the only one
Too busy thinking
Love is a gun

Sometimes when you observe things that happen in a friend's life you wonder what makes them tick. What motivates a person to make choices that they make? How do they get through situations that arise?

Having the supporting role in their scenes, I sometimes have a bird's eye view on their life. A lot of times, I can't help but see it from their viewpoint. Even when someone doesn't handle things like I would have, I can always get the reason behind their decisions.

I have been observing a lot of interesting things about this man I know. He is one of the smartest, talented, and MOST resilient dudes that I have ever met. When it comes to women he has an interesting approach that I admire and admonish all at the same time. It's the polar opposite of my "need to know basis" approach. I think that has been a blessing and a curse for him.

After some pondering, he thought maybe his perception of the opposite sex was all wrong; after all, not ALL females are playing games. They don't always want to pull jedi mind tricks on you to get the emotional upper hand. Sometimes it's ok to stop analyzing and just ENJOY. So he switched off his defense mechanism and he waited. He took things at face value and believed. Initially, he struggled with telling her how he really felt about her. He feared things might change. He fought to keep his cool. Didn't want to break the rules... he wasn’t sure if their association was friends or lovers, or something …else

I was so in love with you
You rarely see a love that's true
Wasn't that enough for you
Wasn't that enough for you
I would climb a mountain
I wouldn't want to see you fall
Rock climb for you
And give you a reason for it all

She said he was special. He wanted to believe that she meant it. Things started to look a lot like a real connection. He thought about letting her in more, just a little. He took baby steps toward the idea of really being with someone. As things started to feel good, things got bumpy. There were misunderstandings left and right, tempers flared, words were exchanged, accusations were made. Painful words brought exit wound number ONE.

So tapping into the resilient reserve, he picks up his ego, dusts off his pride, and checks his emotions. He should have KNOWN better, this woman never hid the fact that she knew how to play it. He was becoming resolved to the fact that it just wasn't meant to be. Fine. Friendship is the new direction. He could dig it, right? Sort of like coming full circle?

Well that didn't sit well because the feelings weren't going away. They couldn’t be stuffed behind jokes, they weren't buried enough below the surface of the quick wit, and eventually the door was re-opened.

Why did he willingly go through the door a second time? What words were spoken to make him forget the first exit wound? I don't really know for sure. It must have felt sincere to him though because the connection seemed to still be there. That undeniable vibe felt good again.

I have an idea of why it brought about amnesia, but really it is speculation. I think there are times when we truly want to believe in someone because the alternative is too painful to think about. Even in your most cynical mind, you never want to think somebody is intentionally trying to hurt you. It's interesting to think back on all the opportunities they each had to check out but they stayed….perhaps still apprehensive, but liking the vibe.

So now things are getting hazy once again, and the clarity that is needed is not forthcoming. The push and pull of things puts him in a daze. Regret, disappointment, and confusion are back once again, as a painful reminder of the first exit wound. Now this time the exit wound hurts more because he helped put it there. Basically he handed over the ammunition, passed the weapon to her, and stood in the line of fire. So exit wound number two is partly his fault.

I know the end before
The story's been told
It's not that complicated
But you're gonna need a bullet proof soul
You keep on thinking
You were the only one
Too busy thinking
Love is a gun

Well, maybe he will learn or maybe there will be round three. Now the thing that is really wanted and needed seems out of reach.... a definitive direction of SOMETHING....Will it be "kiss my ass you ain't my prototype?" OR I care about you and I don't know what to do about it. It's the indecisiveness that eats away at him. Maybe there needs to be a final answer. A purging of some sort. It's funny how the heart doesn't always do what the mind is telling it no matter how hard we try. I am not too worried about him because I know that we are a lot alike. We consider ourselves bullet proof even when the bullets inflict a few ugly exit wounds.

You were trigger happy baby
You never warned me let me free
It's not that complicated
But you're going to need a bullet proof soul
Think you got it but you got all the trouble you need
I came in like a lamb
But I intend to leave like a lion

I have to wonder though, why do people love to play emotional Russian roulette with a loaded weapon? What causes us to forget the first, second, and third exit wounds? Great sex? Strong soul ties? Stupidity? Likka? Combination of all? If I knew why maybe I could find a way to have a bullet proof soul, FOR REAL

It hit me like a slow bullet
It hit me like a slow bullet