Slacker Envy
Ambitious, driven, determined. Sometimes I see these words and feel slight anxiety because they all connate expectations. My parents never verbally said to me: you must make six figures, have multiple homes, travel leisurely, own luxury cars. They never demanded that I marry a man with wealth/status. Although it wasn't said outright, it was inferred. I was exposed to a lifestyle that they are looking for me to continue to some degree. If I were to make minimum wage, had 16 roommates, never traveled outside my own zip code, and drive a hoopty, I honestly think my parents would think I lost my mind. Not because they think that is beneath me, but moreso because they feel that they sacrificed and worked hard so that I can have an opportunity to live a lifestyle that matches, or surpasses theirs. This is partly why I have a strong desire to be successful, spiritually grounded, well-traveled, well-dressed, and well-read. I have an innate yearning to constantly grow, learn, and evolve. This has created an internal switch in me to pursue happiness relentlessly. I associate this happiness with what my parents had/have: strong sprituality, lucrative jobs, vacation homes, traveling, etc.
Sometimes though, I wish I could be a trifling slacker. I would love to know what it feels like to be irresponsible, reckless, or spontaneous. What does it feel like to do something unplanned, something totally out of character. What is it like to completely deviate from the perception that you have of where your life should be going?
It's rare, but sometimes I feel the burden of success, ambition, and determination tightening around me like an invisible noose. Sometimes I just want to cut the rope and release myself from its grip. Perhaps this relates to my fear of flying.
I look at people I grew up with who are leading (seemingly) simpler lives and they don't seem pressed.Their lives don't include deadlines, responsibilities, or pressure whatsoever. Their goals seem a lot less complicated because they don't desire the same things that I do. In a way, I envy that. I also envy slackers. People who don't do anything, don't want anything, don't pursue anything in life. They just exist quietly each day.
I wonder what it is like to NOT be motivated. I doubt that I will ever find out. When you grow up in a family like mine you just understand that certain choices weren't really left up to you. I am expected to be successful, I want to be successful. Sometimes though, I wish I didn't.
Sometimes though, I wish I could be a trifling slacker. I would love to know what it feels like to be irresponsible, reckless, or spontaneous. What does it feel like to do something unplanned, something totally out of character. What is it like to completely deviate from the perception that you have of where your life should be going?
It's rare, but sometimes I feel the burden of success, ambition, and determination tightening around me like an invisible noose. Sometimes I just want to cut the rope and release myself from its grip. Perhaps this relates to my fear of flying.
I look at people I grew up with who are leading (seemingly) simpler lives and they don't seem pressed.Their lives don't include deadlines, responsibilities, or pressure whatsoever. Their goals seem a lot less complicated because they don't desire the same things that I do. In a way, I envy that. I also envy slackers. People who don't do anything, don't want anything, don't pursue anything in life. They just exist quietly each day.
I wonder what it is like to NOT be motivated. I doubt that I will ever find out. When you grow up in a family like mine you just understand that certain choices weren't really left up to you. I am expected to be successful, I want to be successful. Sometimes though, I wish I didn't.
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