Real Women Have Men
Or perhaps I should say real patient women have men.
Lately I have been observing married couples. I am not sure if I am trying to promote marriage to myself OR scare myself into a perpetually single life forever.
I know that other people's marriage won't necessarily apply to me personally, but just looking at what it takes to be in a marriage really shows me that marriage is NOT for the faint at heart. It seems that the wifey role can challenge you, stretch your psyche to what feels like the outskirts of insanity, push you to the edge of irrational behavior, emotions, and actions.
For example, my alleged sister (still not on best of terms with her yet) and her husband have been married for 10 years and throughout their marriage, they have had periods of extreme disconnect. I know there are days when she wants to pummel him with a bat. I remember that she could not stop laughing at Chris Rock's line about the only thing saving some marriages was an episode of CSI…and if you haven't plotted the demise of your mate than you probably haven't truly been in love.
Damn, is it like THAT?!
Well apparently so, because being married means that you and your mate have to find ways to resolve conflict that won't include duck tape and a .38... It isn't enough to have deep love/compassion for your wife/husband. You have to really know how to communicate, forgive, pray, compromise, and the list goes on and on, and that is just to have a marriage that you aren't trying to bail from every week.
To actually have a HAPPY marriage….well damn, is there such a thing? I am not talking about "wake up every morning, jumping for joy type of happy marriage". I realize that some days the sight of your mate could quite possibly make you want to hurl. What I want to know is...how do you have a marriage where you can be just as content as if you were single? (that sounds kinda of ridiculous).
But what I mean is, I am content with my reality right now. Is there a way to be married and be JUST as content with my reality? Not meaning that I expect the same freedoms, or would want them, for that matter, but just CONTENT with my life as a married woman.
I joke all the time that a man will have to trump my fabulous single life to make me consider giving it up. This doesn't mean that I will want him to lace me up, put the biggest rock on my hand, or buy the biggest house on the hill. These are all things that I certainly won't turn down, of course! What I really want him to "one up" in my life is support and love. I want to feel like, although the life I had before him was great, but having him as my husband just makes it richer, fuller, more balanced.
In return, I want to be his cheerleader, his lover, his motivator, his friend, his laughter, his joy, his baby mama, his spiritual partner, and generally make his life richer, fuller, and balanced too..it's a win-win right!? Uhh well, see I am not so sure anymore.
So what does it take to be all that to one man and generally be happy with your life, and content with your reality? I. HAVE. NO. CLUE.
Looking at other marriages I see that EVERYONE has issues that must be dealt with. You will have a point of contention from time to time. You will endure disconnects that may even feel like an impasse. I think that women who put in the work involved with a marriage are so incredibly patient. I imagine my frustration in dating and magnify it about a gazillion times and I still won't know the utter patience that it must take to be a wife. I was advised to read The Power Of A Praying Wife by my dear friend (as well as my alleged sister). I took a look at a couple of chapters in that book and FREAKED out! Just reading that made me realize that I was not even close to being in the right mindset (or heartset or spiritset….so making up words) to be married. If/When marriage comes, I will have to toss out every single expectation that I have about marriage. I want to go into it with a willing heart, a LOT of patience, and enough love that keeps me from finding the duck tape and .38 every other day. The rest will have to take prayer and forgiveness to survive.
I think men certainly contend with a LOT from women too in a marriage. Communication styles are polar opposite with men and women which can lead to extremely tense situations. Finding a way to get through the difficult times will require tapping into a part of you that you probably didn't even know existed before...that part of your heart that aches to see your loved one unhappy, distressed, or sad...ESPECIALLY if YOU are the source of the pain. I don't know how married people do it!
At any rate, I am still checking out the married thing. Some days I wonder if I can be a real woman, a wife, hell at this rate a girlfriend because real women have men…and if the men are still breathing, they are real patient women.
Lately I have been observing married couples. I am not sure if I am trying to promote marriage to myself OR scare myself into a perpetually single life forever.
I know that other people's marriage won't necessarily apply to me personally, but just looking at what it takes to be in a marriage really shows me that marriage is NOT for the faint at heart. It seems that the wifey role can challenge you, stretch your psyche to what feels like the outskirts of insanity, push you to the edge of irrational behavior, emotions, and actions.
For example, my alleged sister (still not on best of terms with her yet) and her husband have been married for 10 years and throughout their marriage, they have had periods of extreme disconnect. I know there are days when she wants to pummel him with a bat. I remember that she could not stop laughing at Chris Rock's line about the only thing saving some marriages was an episode of CSI…and if you haven't plotted the demise of your mate than you probably haven't truly been in love.
Damn, is it like THAT?!
Well apparently so, because being married means that you and your mate have to find ways to resolve conflict that won't include duck tape and a .38... It isn't enough to have deep love/compassion for your wife/husband. You have to really know how to communicate, forgive, pray, compromise, and the list goes on and on, and that is just to have a marriage that you aren't trying to bail from every week.
To actually have a HAPPY marriage….well damn, is there such a thing? I am not talking about "wake up every morning, jumping for joy type of happy marriage". I realize that some days the sight of your mate could quite possibly make you want to hurl. What I want to know is...how do you have a marriage where you can be just as content as if you were single? (that sounds kinda of ridiculous).
But what I mean is, I am content with my reality right now. Is there a way to be married and be JUST as content with my reality? Not meaning that I expect the same freedoms, or would want them, for that matter, but just CONTENT with my life as a married woman.
I joke all the time that a man will have to trump my fabulous single life to make me consider giving it up. This doesn't mean that I will want him to lace me up, put the biggest rock on my hand, or buy the biggest house on the hill. These are all things that I certainly won't turn down, of course! What I really want him to "one up" in my life is support and love. I want to feel like, although the life I had before him was great, but having him as my husband just makes it richer, fuller, more balanced.
In return, I want to be his cheerleader, his lover, his motivator, his friend, his laughter, his joy, his baby mama, his spiritual partner, and generally make his life richer, fuller, and balanced too..it's a win-win right!? Uhh well, see I am not so sure anymore.
So what does it take to be all that to one man and generally be happy with your life, and content with your reality? I. HAVE. NO. CLUE.
Looking at other marriages I see that EVERYONE has issues that must be dealt with. You will have a point of contention from time to time. You will endure disconnects that may even feel like an impasse. I think that women who put in the work involved with a marriage are so incredibly patient. I imagine my frustration in dating and magnify it about a gazillion times and I still won't know the utter patience that it must take to be a wife. I was advised to read The Power Of A Praying Wife by my dear friend (as well as my alleged sister). I took a look at a couple of chapters in that book and FREAKED out! Just reading that made me realize that I was not even close to being in the right mindset (or heartset or spiritset….so making up words) to be married. If/When marriage comes, I will have to toss out every single expectation that I have about marriage. I want to go into it with a willing heart, a LOT of patience, and enough love that keeps me from finding the duck tape and .38 every other day. The rest will have to take prayer and forgiveness to survive.
I think men certainly contend with a LOT from women too in a marriage. Communication styles are polar opposite with men and women which can lead to extremely tense situations. Finding a way to get through the difficult times will require tapping into a part of you that you probably didn't even know existed before...that part of your heart that aches to see your loved one unhappy, distressed, or sad...ESPECIALLY if YOU are the source of the pain. I don't know how married people do it!
At any rate, I am still checking out the married thing. Some days I wonder if I can be a real woman, a wife, hell at this rate a girlfriend because real women have men…and if the men are still breathing, they are real patient women.
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